Books, Kids, and Writing – First Chapter Pain

You have a great idea for a book – Awesome!

You’re tired of just thinking about it. You’re fingers hover over the keyboard (or if you’re old-school like me, your pen hovers over the page). It’s go-time.

Then you stare at the blank page for half-an-hour.

Relax.

It’s not writers block: It’s normal.

It’s called – First Chapter Pain.

Most writers agree the first chapter is by far the hardest chapter to write in any book; and it is the single most rewritten chapter, as well. From my experience, the first chapter is a challenge because you haven’t really defined your main character yet. That definition requires further writing. By the time you’ve written about half the book,  your main character is fully mature in your mind; you know how that character will act in any given situation; and, you’re ready to go back and rewrite the first chapter .

And if you still don’t get your character by the time your book is half written, your book probably isn’t going to work.

It’s a Catch-22: you’re trying to write about a character before that character fully exists.

I completely rewrite a first chapter at least five or six times – and I’ve been known to torture editors with first chapter changes as the book is about to go to print.

Don’t believe me? Just check out the first page (I’ll spare you the entire chapter) of a new book I’m currently working on called – The Fair.

 

I have big dreams of a series – The Band of Merry Kids – set in the time of Robin Hood and his Merry Men – which is 13th – 14th century England. It’s about a group of three kids – Pip, Lucy, and Harold – whose wild adventures mirror the adventures of Pip’s hero – Robin Hood.

 

This is the first version:

THE FAIR

CHAPTER ONE – Page 1

(1st Version)

Pip slowed and let the branch fling back.
“I’ll get you for that, Baby Robin.”
He ignored them. Up ahead he spied a big tree.
“Perfect,” he said, and as agile as a monkey he climbed up and hid himself in the leaves. His pursuers went by. He jumped to the ground and doubled back to rejoin his friends.
He spotted Lucy and Harold behind some bushes where he had told them to wait. With practiced skill he snuck up behind them.
“Gotcha,” he hissed.
They fell back in fright. If they were not playing Capture The Sheriff, he would have fallen down laughing as well. What was more fun than scaring your best friends?
“Cedric and Owen fell for it,” Pip said.
“What’s the rest of the plan?” Harold said.
“Follow me,” Pip said.
“I hope not into a trap like last time,” Lucy said.
The last time they played Pip had thrown a rock into some nearby bushes thinking that would lead the guards away. They only pretended to go, and all three of them had run straight into their waiting clutches.
He ran for a minute or so until he dropped behind a fallen log. He pointed to a stuffed dummy with a label on his shirt that read Sheriff. Two boys stood close by.
Pip took his bow and arrow and aimed it at the Sheriff.

 

Then I added a few words and sentences. Note I’m still focused mostly on plot – character and voice are still missing. Additions are underlined.

 

THE FAIR 

CHAPTER ONE – Page 1

(2nd Version)

Pip slowed to grab hold of the branch, and then let it fling back.
SMACK!
“Right in the face! I’ll get you for that, Baby Robin.”
He ignored the diss and kept going, dashing in and out of the trees and shrubs of the thick forest. Up ahead he spied a big oak tree.
“Perfect,” he said to himself, and as agile as a monkey he scampered up onto a low hanging limb and hid himself in the leaves. His pursuers stormed past without giving the tree a second look. He jumped to the ground and doubled back to rejoin his friends.
He spotted Lucy and Harold crouching behind the group of bushes where he’d told them to wait. With practiced skill he snuck up behind them.
“Gotcha,” he hissed.
They both fell back in fright. If they were not playing Capture The Sheriff he would’ve fallen down laughing as well. What’s more fun than scaring your cousins?
“Cedric and Owen totally fell for it,” Pip said.
“What’s the rest of the plan?” Harold said.
Pip grinned. “Follow me.”
“I hope not into a trap like last time,” Lucy said.
Pip felt his face grow hot. The last time they played Pip had told Harold to throw a rock into some nearby bushes thinking that would lead the guards away. They only pretended to leave, and all three of them had run straight into their awaiting clutches.
Pip weaved his way through the forest, stopping every so often to check if Cedric or Owen had figured out his little trick. He kept on going until he came to a fallen log. He pointed to a stuffed dummy with a label on his shirt that read Sheriff. Two boys stood close by.
Pip took his bow and arrow and aimed it at the Sheriff.

 

Now it’s changed again. I’m beginning to understand Pip (because I wrote the rest of the book). Maybe it’s still not there yet, but I feel his voice is coming through, the language matches his personality and the times, and the action flows better. Additions are underlined. Deletions are crossed out.

THE FAIR

CHAPTER ONE – Page 1

(3rd Version)

Pip slowed to grab hold of the tree branch, and then let it fling back.
He let go.
SMACK!
The branch flung back and the two boys chasing him fell to the ground.
“Right in the face! I’ll get you for that, Baby Robin!”
They always called him that. Robin Hood was his hero – Wasn’t he everyone’s?”
He ignored the diss and Pip kept going, dashing in and out of the trees and shrubs of the thick forest. Up ahead he spied a big oak tree.
“Perfect,” he said to himself, and as agile as a monkey he scampered up onto a low hanging limb and hid himself in the leaves. His pursuers stormed past without giving the tree a second glance. He jumped to the ground and doubled back to rejoin his friends.
He spotted Lucy and Harold crouching behind the group of bushes where he’d told them to wait. With practiced skill he snuck up behind them.
“Gotcha,” he hissed.
They both fell back in fright. If they were not playing Capture The Sheriff, he would’ve fallen down laughing as well. What was more fun than scaring your cousins – and two best friends?
“Cedric and Owen totally fell for it,” Pip said.
“What’s the rest of the plan?” Harold said.
Pip grinned. “Follow me.”
“I hope not into a trap like last time,” Lucy said.
Pip felt his face grow hot. The last time they played Pip had told Harold to had thrown a rock into some nearby bushes thinking that would lead the guards would go over to look away. They only pretended to leave, and the guards had caught all three of them had run straight into their waiting clutches.
He weaved his way through the forest, stopping every so often to check if Cedric or Owen had figured out his little trick until he stopped suddenly came to a and ducked behind a fallen log. Silently, he pointed through the leaves at to a stuffed dummy leaning against a tree, with a label tag on his shirt that read Sheriff. Two boys stood close by, one poking at the ground with a stick, and the other staring up at the sky.
Pip took unslung his bow and arrow from his quiver. The arrow had a thin rope attached to the end.

 

The changes will continue. No doubt, I’ll keep tinkering. The first page is such a challenge because it has to do three things:

1. Immediately engage the reader

2. Provide enough background and detail so the reader understands what’s going on

3. Provide background and detail without being boring

 

How do you think I did? Send me your comments and I’ll share them.

Next I’m going to show how the story for The Fair was developed. My original idea was that Pip would be Robin Hood’s son, and the theme of the book was how Pip struggled as the son of such a famous man. I decided to let that go for reasons I’ll talk about.

Until then – happy reading!